So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
