Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
