I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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