3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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