I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
