I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
