where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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