I hate all girls vehemently.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
