either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
