he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
