We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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