From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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