im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
