McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
