marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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