i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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