There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
