guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
