Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
