i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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