Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
