I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
