we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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