From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
