dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Is Oprah even human
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize