you guys were way drunker than both of me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize