its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
third nipple confirmed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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