But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
