"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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