this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
They have beer where we have blood.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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