non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize