He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
