And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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