the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
