if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
