You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize