i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
