There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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