ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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