there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
