just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
