you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
