i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize