u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My liver just had a heart attack.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
