It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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