Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
