I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
