So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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