you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
