i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
