Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My dad is sitting where you rode me
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
