does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
