hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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