You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
