My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
