I'm going to jail i love you
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Enjoy the penises
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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