We're facebook friends in real life
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
