Yo dont text me then not text me
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
