Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
