Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
