So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
