You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
