I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
