I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
