It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
