Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize