i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize