i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I want her autograph on my taint
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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