Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
