I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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