260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
