does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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