I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
