I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
