You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
