By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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