Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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