We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
