I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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