do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
